Present

for Sunday Scribblings

I’ve always considered myself to be a very efficient person. My approach is to get a bothersome task done as quickly a possible, in order to have as much time as possible for my favorite pastime, relaxing. But once my daughter was born, things began to take a turn.

In the final weeks leading up to my baby’s birth, I felt purposeless, waiting for her to be born. Within moments of her arrival I couldn’t remember what it was that I’d filled my time with before her. And while her father and I gave her the gift of life, and took on the responsibility of guiding her, she has already, at her tender age, reciprocated and taught us something of great worth.

To live in the present is a present in itself. Much of my time now is spent nourishing her, changing her and soothing her. There is little time for much else. As I move into her third week of life, I am beginning to find pockets of time now, and to know when the perfect moment to take a shower or make a cup of tea is. Yet, something else is happening. Instead of cherishing these quiet moments to myself, or spending time alone with my spouse, I find myself transfixed by her eyes, by her lips. When my husband takes her, I don’t want to leave the room. What if I miss something good? On the contrary, when I do take time away from her, I’m reluctant to do a chore or errand. I want to soak up sunshine on the beach, and not be accountable to anyone, for a while. 

My daughter has given me these moments. She has taught me to appreciate the present more, instead of looking ahead to what can be accomplished. She has given me a gift.

Paradoxically, starting a family has given me time.